N.B. This is largely supposed to be a humerous blog which you will hopefully enjoy reading, and as such I will often refer to stealing all the money. However, rest assured every penny will be meticulously accounted for according to the guidelines of whichever charity we decide to support and accounts will be available for inspection by whoever inspects fund raising accounts.
After an in-depth discussion with Simon about the myriad possibilities of sponsorship, the feasibility of certain targets, pounds per kilometre and various deserving charities, I have plucked a random figure out of the air and set it as my target. We're going for just under £10 per kilometre which gives us a target of £50,000 to raise for charity. Obviously we'll siphon off chunks of that for expenses, after all gold plated touring bikes and Norwegian beer don't come cheap, but I expect the charities of our choice will have just enough left over to send you a cheap biro by post. Just try and open the letter when they do and don't be one of those tight sods who push the pen out, keep it and throw the letter away unopened.
So, let's talk charity. Now, with such an ambitious target we will obviously need some high profile charity or something with cute little puppies on their literature. Any suggestions gratefully received, I hope you, my as yet non-existent blog followers, may have some ideas. At the moment there are three charities which fit the bill of not only being voracious publicity junkies but also actually being worthwhile causes. The first is "Help For Heroes", which provides rehabilitation, support and practical care for wounded servicemen. Secondly we thought of "Sport Relief" which is rather obvious because we are doing a sport and when we finish it will be a relief. The problem with them is that all their publicity is taken up by Christine bloody Bleakley and chubby, channel swimming comedians. The third charity I've forgotten because it was Simon's choice and frankly this is my mid-life crisis, he's just coming along for the ride. Of course we'll bung them a few quid if it keeps him happy but to be honest if he wants people to know who they are he can start his own blog.
Anyway, once I've finished updating this blog (which at the moment is read only by me and the CIA web-bots) I'll be composing a suitably doe-eyed email to the charities I've chosen, and also the one Simon chose if I remember who they are. Began with a 'C' if that helps. Any ideas, anyone? Hopefully at least one of them won't tell us to forget the whole thing and to preserve our overworked circulatory systems.
OK, enough for today, I need to get back to Jack Dee's autobiography which my sister kindly sent me for my birthday. It's so nice to know that in the miserable, cynical, pessimism stakes I'm only number two.
